A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
