Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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