you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
