Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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