If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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