Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
