Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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