By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
