It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
