I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
