god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
