Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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