Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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