I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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