Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
