Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
