Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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