my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
