...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
