Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
