is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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