I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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