O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
