Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
