Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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