Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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