Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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