Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
