No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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