I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
