i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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