I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
