just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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