Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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