I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we're so committed to being not committed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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