Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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