As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
