We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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