Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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