She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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