Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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