i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you made out with another girl for some wings
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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