True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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