Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
