I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i out mim tonsoeep
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