sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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