You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
