worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
