Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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