guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
