just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
