You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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