if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
