You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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