update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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